Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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