Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
