I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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