I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
