Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
whose parrot is this?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
