Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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