she kept yelling 'call me bella'
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
