In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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