I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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