Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
