Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
