My liver just broke up with me...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
