apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
