____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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