Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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