so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize