Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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