and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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