That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
