I cannot find my penis.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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