fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
