Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
