so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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