On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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