I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
