I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
