I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
