I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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