Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Randomize