My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Even my vagina gasped.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
