1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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