it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
