I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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