Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
