sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
