he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize