He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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