so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
