How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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