OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
