Farmville is her only friend.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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