I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
