My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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