ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
