I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
