Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize