508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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