Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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