chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
