I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
