Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
