You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
