The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
