I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
