Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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