She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
And then he peed in my hair
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