It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
