I'm eating all of the evidence.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
