i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
