If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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