dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize