Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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