nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
