genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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