I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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