Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
