First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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