ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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