we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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