toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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