Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
