I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish i was in the wii world.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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