Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
