I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
