so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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