Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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