I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
