I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
