I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
