my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize