i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize