There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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