I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
