I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
