He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
