There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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