New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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