Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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