i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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