I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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