The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can I color on your dick again?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
