I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
