hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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