Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
