it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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