You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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