You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
