i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
