I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
