I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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