We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
