She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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