Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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