saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Don't make out with my wife yet
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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